"i forgot my phone today , just wanted to let you know, i may have a chance to go get it , if not just call me after work....when do you work today? love you."

I was going through old emails in my GMail account tonight and I stumbled upon this.

It's the last email that Will ever sent me where he said he loved me. This was on March 31st of last year. We broke up on May 13th.

And while I know that our relationship was poisonous for both of us, and while I also realize that things have to end sometimes; I read this email and began to cry. It's not even really anything, just some mundane chit-chat like we always swapped but for some reason, it makes me feel like I've been stabbed when I read it.

I feel like something that could have been so much better and brighter was ripped away from me. And God, it really hurts to think about having lost someone that was so close to my heart. Sure, since then I've moved past and lived my life the best I could. I've gotten through some incredibly difficult times without him by my side in the last nine months and I've even started dating again.

And of course, I'm not interested in pursuing any further romantic or sexual interactions with Will; that chapter has been flipped past. But I do miss him to this day.

And somewhere deep in the recesses of my heart and mind, a thought bubbled up while I read the email and tears clouded up my vision:

I wonder if some nights, he sits in his new apartment with his boyfriend and his thoughts stray from the stresses of bills and work in the morning. And hope a little bit that when that happens, he remembers my face and my smile. And I can't help but wonder if he misses me too.